i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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