Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
