Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
