I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
