Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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