Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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