Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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