take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
