y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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