omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
