We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We don't watch enough power rangers
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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