Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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