I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
