everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
