So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Never joke about your clitoris.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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