you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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