tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
