he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
