Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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