apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
