Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
