I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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