I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
