Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
