I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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