she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
