I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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