Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
