Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
