I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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