Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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