Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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