id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
