the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
