The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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