I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This baby is an asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
