I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
