for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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