My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
