so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish you could order shots online.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize