she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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