The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
