Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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