so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
