are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
