Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
