I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
