She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
