And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
