I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize