i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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