Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
