why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
