Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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