you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
