i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
