dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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