His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
